Gwyneth will Fix You (#ad)
Plus: 100 million Americans are melting, Comic-Con delivered actual news, and we found 8 TikTok purchases you'll actually want
Hi friends,
Welcome to the weekend. A brutal heat dome had millions sweating (and meme-ing), Comic-Con dropped nostalgia and noise, and a real shark briefly hijacked Shark Week. Summer internet is still running too hot.
Let’s get into it.
🎤 Coldplay Fallout: Gwyneth for the Win
When your kiss-cam scandal blows up the internet, there’s only one person to call: Gwyneth. That’s exactly what Astronomer did. The company released a promo video starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin’s ex, as their “temporary spokesperson.” It was deadpan, unserious, and oddly genius.
Here’s how it started:
At Coldplay’s Boston show, Chris Martin zoomed in on a couple and joked, “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.” Plot twist. The couple was Andy Byron, Astronomer’s CEO, and Kristin Cabot, the company’s HR chief. Both were married. Just not to each other.
He resigned. She followed. The company launched an investigation. TikTok went full theater mode. The memes turned Byron into a character.
Interim CEO Pete DeJoy said it best: they became a household name overnight.
Why it matters: A kiss-cam joke wrecked a C-suite, birthed a thousand memes, and ended with Gwyneth Paltrow representing a SaaS company. Coldplay won the cultural moment without even trying.
🔥 Heat Dome Meltdown
More than 100 million Americans are currently baking under a massive heat dome stretching from the Plains to the Southeast. In cities like Nashville and Memphis, heat index values have climbed as high as 115 °F, with over 35 million people under extreme heat warnings.
Humidity levels are spiking due to “corn sweat”, where Midwestern cornfields release thousands of gallons of water into the air each day. That extra moisture is pushing the heat index even higher. Overnight temperatures are staying in the 80s, giving no real relief, according to Washington Post forecasts.
TikTok is sweating through it with peak creativity. One viral post shows city blocks melting under heat warnings. Another remixes the moment into a chaotic mashup of “beefing with the sun” memes and overheated CapCut edits.
And it’s not letting up. According to Forbes, the dome could stick around through early August. We’re not just in a heatwave, we’re in a mood.
🎬 Comic‑Con Actually Delivered
San Diego Comic‑Con 2025 brought the energy. We got a teaser for Project Hail Mary, showcasing Gosling in full astronaut mode.
The first trailer for Spinal Tap II: The End Continues premiered too. The sequel drops September 12.
Horror fans got a glimpse of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2, and streaming giants teased upcoming seasons like Peacemaker and Alien. Cosplay ran the halls. Pop culture dopamine unlocked.
📺 What to Watch
🏌️ Happy Gilmore 2 (Netflix) – Adam Sandler returns as a washed-up Happy navigating the TikTok golf era. Rage meets ring lights. 8/10. Dumb, chaotic, oddly endearing.
🤬 South Park, Season 27 Premiere “Sermon on the ‘Mount” (Paramount+) – Trump crawls into bed with Satan. A talking micropenis delivers prophecy. Fake PSAs roast Paramount’s $16M lawsuit and CBS’s Colbert cancellation. All just days after Trey and Matt took $1.5B to the bank. 9.5/10. Savage, surreal, and untouchable.
🩸 Dexter: Original Sin (Paramount+) – 1991 Miami. Teen Dexter learns the dark arts from Christian Slater. 8/10. Stylish, sweaty, and smart.
🚀 Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Season 3 (Paramount+) – Hopeful episodic sci-fi that delivers emotional depth without pretense. 9/10. Comforting and thoughtful.
🌀 Delirium (Netflix) – A Bogotá thriller high on mood and low on coherence. 7/10. Atmosphere wins, logic loses.
🎤 Trap (In Theaters) – M. Night’s pop-concert horror flick bombs in dramatic fashion. 8/10. Weird and wicked fun.
🛍️ What to Shop & Buy
I’ve been addicted to TikTok Shops lately, and I’m not even trying to fight it. Every day, something arrives at the house that’s either amazing in the moment or completely stupid 48 hours later. From the world’s smallest violin that plays a literal sad tune to the Law & Order gavel that lets you “dun-dun” your way through petty household debates, I regret nothing.
Here are the Top 8 Things to Buy This Week — no fluff, all viral:
Stanley Quencher H2.0 Tumbler - The oversized mega-tumbler that TikTok ignited. Insane color drops. Icy drinks. Hydration fame.
Kmart Water Ripple Light - A $20 lamp projecting calming water ripples. Australia is losing it over this. So soothing you might actually meditate.
Opal Nugget Ice Maker -Nugget ice is the chewable coffee flex of the summer. TikTok swears by it, your iced latte just got bougie.
Kmart Mini Digital Camera Keychain - Tiny camera you clip on your keys to take instant retro pics. Y2K nostalgia + shockingly viral performance.
USUNA LED Jellyfish Lamp - Mesmerizing color-shifting jellyfish lamp. TikTok can’t stop watching this bubble of ambient bedroom vibes.
JW Pei Sharon Crossbody Bag - Under‑$100, influencer-approved, crescent-shaped summer style. Seen on every street-style reel.
Mini Skincare Fridge - Cools serums and snacks alike. TikTok claims it’s wellness girl energy personified.
Dash Mini Waffle Maker - Tiny waffles that photograph chef’s kiss on content. Nostalgic, portable, and instant breakfast flex.
📚 What to Read
Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid – TJR’s latest bestseller is about being a female physicist turned NASA astronaut in the 1980s, falling in love among the cosmos. It’s #1 on summer must-read lists and dominating BookTok right now and just named a Washington Post critical favorite.
Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins – The Hunger Games prequel that everyone is talking about. Haymitch’s brutal origin story hit shelves in March, and has sold over 1.5 million copies in its first week.
Algospeak by Adam Aleksic – Gen Z linguist @etymologynerd’s guide to how TikTok, slang, and AI bots are rewriting English. It’s trending everywhere, from Twitter threads to headlines in Reuters and AP.
The Emperor of Gladness by Ocean Vuong – This emotional power‑house is an Oprah’s Book Club pick and immediate NYT bestseller, a quiet story about caregiving, loneliness, and second chances that has critics calling it Vuong’s most resonant yet.
Fahrenheit‑182: A Memoir by Mark Hoppus – Blink‑182’s Mark Hoppus delivers his #1 NYT bestselling memoir, packed with punk rock nostalgia, emotional scars, and candid recovery from cancer. Fans and newbies alike are raving.
🎞️ What to Rewatch
We’ve been working our way through a rewatch canon with Katie this summer, the kind of movies that feel like time machines in 90-minute bursts. No wasted scenes, no streaming bloat. Just perfect casting, legendary fits, and confidence you can feel through the screen. These are the movies that knew exactly what they were doing, and still do.
🏌️ Happy Gilmore (1996) – Sandler in peak form as an angry failed hockey player turned surprise golf phenom. Punches Bob Barker, fights for Grandma’s house, lands one of the most quotable sports movies ever made. Vibe: rage therapy with a putter. 10/10
🕵️♂️ Catch Me If You Can (2002) – Leo as the charming teenage con artist who impersonates pilots, doctors, and lawyers. Tom Hanks right behind him. Spielberg at his sleekest. Best flex: passed the bar with a library card. 9/10
🎰 Ocean’s Eleven (2001) – The original modern heist film. Clooney, Pitt, Damon, Cheadle. No CG. All cool. Everyone’s wearing suits like armor and walking in rhythm. Energy: the blueprint for competent men doing crime stylishly. 9/10
🦈 Jaws (1975) – Spielberg’s breakout classic. You don’t see the shark until halfway through and it still wrecks your nervous system. Mood: pure anxiety with a cello soundtrack. 9.5/10
📚 The Breakfast Club (1985) – The Gen X teen archetype generator. Everyone’s been at least one of them. It still hits harder than it should. Tone: detention as personality test. 8.5/10
We’re debating whether to add Ferris Bueller, Heat, or go full Nolan next. Open to suggestions.
That’s all this week. Crank your fan, sip something frosty, and let yourself enjoy what’s intentionally unserious.
Stay curious. Stay cool. Stay human.
See you next weekend.
— Brian